Complete and Utter Nonsense

He may be politically incorrect, but he must be real because he was at my house yesterday!

2010-10-19T20:59:00.001-04:00

We had a potluck at work today. I made a big pot of chili on Sunday, and I bought a bag of Fritos to go with it.

When I got home from work yesterday, I realized that someone had apparently broken into my house and stolen the bag of Fritos and eaten them all! The Frito Bandito left the evidence (the torn up bag) on the loveseat where Leigha likes to hang out. The nefarious thief tried to frame the obviously innocent dog!

I am sure she tried to fight him off, poor thing, but he must have cleverly lured her into the powder room and locked her in. How else can we explain the crime?!

Sleeping single in a double bed... with a dog.

2010-08-30T21:21:00.003-04:00

Sunday morning I woke up quite literally on the wrong side of the bed. At some point in the night Leigha had gotten into bed on my side and skooched me over to the other side - her head on my pillow, snoring.

This morning I woke up teetering on the edge of the bed, Miss Leigha having claimed most of the bed and skooching me right off the edge.

I have a door. If you think I'll use it, you don't know me very well.

Nothing unusual to report. Well, other than the whole grandchild thing. So, yeah, there's that.

2010-07-20T20:17:00.005-04:00

Things are going unexpectedly well at work. I feel no immediate need to run screaming from the building.

Things are going well at home. The dog has made friends with the cats. Maggie and Viv have stopped their constant bickering. I'm not sure what precipitated that, but it seemed to coincide with my trip to Denver.

I should blog, or at least post pictures of my trip to Denver. Here's one:

That is the multi-talented Brynn, daughter of my new daughter, new daughter of my son, and therefore my grr... gran... grrrannn...

Give me time.

Actually, I had a blast doing the grandma thing. Brynn is brilliant, charming and beautiful, and we work puzzles together like it's our job. We also played Crazy 8's and scored a 98 in Beatles Rock Band.

The card she made me is on my fridge, the cutout she made me is on my file cabinet at work and pictures of her frequently find their way onto my desktop as wallpaper. I am completely smitten.

I also enjoyed visiting with those other people... I think their names were Josh and Cat. They were nice.

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T18:43:00.010-04:00

I spent a pleasant chunk of Mother's Day with my mom, my sister and Joanna. We decided not to brave the crowds, so we went to Harris Teeter and got sushi. We ate around a card table, since my mom sold her dining room table in preparation for her move to San Antonio.

She is moving down there to shack up with her boyfriend. Parents these days! No moral compass!

Anyway, I borrowed a cargo van from work to bring home some chairs and end tables and such. I didn't think I was taking that much, but right now it looks like I just moved in. I will be getting rid of stuff to make room for better stuff.

Two things I brought home are treasures. One is the rocking chair my great-great-grandfather made. My great-grandmother was rocked in it, my grandmother was rocked in it, my mother was rocked in it, I was rocked in it, and Josh was rocked in it.

I remember sitting in that rocking chair for hours reading books that were way above my grade level. The Rime of the Ancient Mariner and Walt Whitman's O Captain! My Captain! stand out as favorites.

I was an odd child.

The other treasure is Frank.

St. Francis to those of you less aquainted. I have a special affinity for St. Francis, as some of you may know. This particular representation of him has always touched me. It is a primitive wooden sculpture my mom and Bill had, and he just always represented what I love most about St. Francis and all he taught about unconditional love and humility.

I find the face of this particular statue very moving. I can see the love and compassion for all living things in this carving. It is one reason why I love it.

The other reason I love the statue are the feet. The beautiful, sandalled feet.

Our feet are where we are grounded to the earth. St. Francis is the patron saint of animals. He was the original ecologist. Frank was a shaman. No question about it.

Canticle of Brother Sun and Sister Moon of St. Francis of Assisi

Most High, all-powerful, all-good Lord, All praise is Yours, all glory, all honour and all blessings.

To you alone, Most High, do they belong, and no mortal lips are worthy to pronounce Your Name.

Praised be You my Lord with all Your creatures,
especially Sir Brother Sun,
Who is the day through whom You give us light.
And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendour,
Of You Most High, he bears the likeness.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars,
In the heavens you have made them bright, precious and fair.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Brothers Wind and Air,
And fair and stormy, all weather's moods,
by which You cherish all that You have made.

Praised be You my Lord through Sister Water,
So useful, humble, precious and pure.

Praised be You my Lord through Brother Fire,
through whom You light the night and he is beautiful and playful and robust and strong.

Praised be You my Lord through our Sister,
Mother Earth
who sustains and governs us,
producing varied fruits with coloured flowers and herbs.
Praise be You my Lord through those who grant pardon for love of You and bear sickness and trial.

Blessed are those who endure in peace, By You Most High, they will be crowned.

Praised be You, my Lord through Sister Death,
from whom no-one living can escape. Woe to those who die in mortal sin! Blessed are they She finds doing Your Will.

No second death can do them harm. Praise and bless my Lord and give Him thanks,
And serve Him with great humility.

A post completely unrelated to my pets!

2010-04-28T21:43:00.003-04:00

So, last Friday I'm driving to work when my car starts being all wierd. I managed to get off I-40 and literally (yes, I am using the word correctly) coasted into a parking space after the engine shut down.

First, I called my boss. Next, I called Building Maintenance Guy, because I know he worries. Then I called my mechanic (a man I trust for a variety of reasons) and I called my new teammate so she would know I would be late. Sweetly, they all called or emailed each other.

Then I called AAA. Funny thing, that. I had let my AAA membership lapse for a year and a half or so, but last month I randomly decided to renew it. Because you never know and all.

Long story short (too late), the engine was blown. There was no warning. It was long overdue for an oil change, but there were no warning lights, no oil puddles, there was no smoke. If I had not had 185,000 miles on the car I'd have been shocked.

My mechanic, Mickey (Raleigh Tire and Auto ) took great care of me in the most non-judgemental way possible (very decent of him, as I am notorius for neglecting the apparently necessary oil changes and other somesuch maintenance cars so selfishly demand).

Mickey found a reconditioned motor with a 6 month warranty and, long story short (wayyyy too late), I picked up my sweet ride today and drove her home. She purred like a kitten. I am happy.

A good time was had by all.

2010-04-11T21:41:00.006-04:00

Laura and I had talked about going camping this weekend, but it turned out not to be a good time for her and Matt. Friday night I decided I wanted to go anyway.

Around 7:15 am Saturday morning Leigha woke me up with the usual cold nose snuffling in my ear, and I started to brush her off until I remembered that we were going camping. I headed out to get supplies and fuel (and somehow managed to buy two really cute sweater sets and an indoor electric grill in the process).

We got to the campsite at 10:30ish and started to set up. The guy at the next campsite was starting to pitch what was, based on the footprint, the biggest tent I had ever seen, but it was obviously brand new, as he was reading the instructions.

I began unloading my stuff and got out my nifty pop-up tent, which took all of 30 seconds to pitch. I pounded in two stakes, inflated my air matress and by the time this poor guy started to get his tent pitched I had set up my whole campsite and was eating a bacon and egg brunch. I felt bad for him and smug all at the same time.

Laura and Matt joined me for the day and made sure I has sufficient firewood for the evening, and we had a lovely day. We took Leigha down to the water and it was clear that she knew she was supposed to be in it. She cavorted around in the water with the most pure joy I think I have ever seen.

Laura and I talked about whether Leigha could be trusted off leash in the water and determined that it might take a couple of years for her to mature enough for that. Sure enough, when I woke up for a wee-morning pee, the clasp on the lead did not engage (there was sand in it and it didn't close).

When I came out from behind the tree I'd chosen as my latrine, the dog was gone. After the initial panic subsided, I remembered that there was a dog two campsites down, and sure enough, she was sniffing around that site.

Crisis averted, we climbed back into our tent and went back to sleep. It was cold, but between the extra quilt I brought and the silly dog who insisted on sharing the air matress with me, I was quite comfortable.

I woke up again at sunrise and enjoyed the birdsong and the magical quality of the light at that time of day. This was Ginnie's favorite time of day.

I took Ginnie's ashes down to the lakeshore, and as I scattered her ashes I thanked her for being my best friend during some trying and some joyful times of my life, I thanked the Universe for bringing such a sweet and good friend to me, and I thanked Ginnie and the Universe for bringing me a new friend.

This was a good weekend.

A (mostly) Peaceable Kingdom.

2010-03-30T22:46:00.004-04:00

Last weekend I observed the first interspecies grooming between the cats and Leigha. Maggie approached Leigha and started grooming her face. After a few licks, Leigha returned the favor, albeit a bit more damp and more... enthusiastic. Fortunately, Maggie is used to damp and enthusiastic.

Maggie and Leigha have bonded well. Gus-Gus is beginning to bond with her, too.

As for Viv...

Well, Viv's perfect world is my lap, Viv and unlimited cat treats.

No dogs.

No other cats.

Just Viv and me.

And cat treats.

What can I say? Viv is a diva.

Sometimes you never find the body. Just the fluff. Nature can be cruel.

2010-02-28T20:57:00.004-05:00

I am head over heels in love with Leigha. She is a trash can raider, a counter surfer, a shoe stealer and occasionally a bit vague about the whole "housebroken" concept. She is also very sweet and she wants to be a good girl.

I had to go to PetSmart today. Seems someone chewed the plastic dog food bowl into tiny pieces while I was at work Friday. We're rounding up the usual suspects.

Anyway, there was a man with a beautiful golden retriever standing in line as I went in. I asked if I could pet him, and then I just fell apart. I hadn't seen a goldie since Ginnie passed away, and I did not expect the impact it would have. I had to retreat to a deserted aisle to recover.

I pulled myself together and found the metal food and water bowls I came in for and headed for the checkout, but then I heard a squeaky squeaky noise and remembered that I had planned to buy a new toy for Leigha.

I was delighted to find a toy specifically designed for big dogs. The label said "No Stuffing," which would only mean something to dog owners who have come home to a living room full of polyester fluff.

It also came with six replacement squeakers and a velcro opening in its belly. It's about damn time someone figured that out.

Sweet Leigha

2010-01-23T19:16:00.005-05:00

In her other life, Leigha was called Leila. My friend started calling her Leigha during the ride home from Florida. It just felt right to him.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the names.

Leila is the feminine form of the Hebrew word for "night." As a name, it meant "night beauty". The Hebrew source of the name Leigha means "delicate" or "weary."

From what I have been able to learn of her history, these names seem partiularly appropriate. The first year of her life was difficult. It was a dark night for her and for her person, and I am sad for both of them.

What Leigha knows now is that she is safe and loved. Me, too.

Choosy moms choose Jif, unless something else is cheaper.

2010-01-21T20:38:00.003-05:00

Give a dog a teaspoon of peanut butter on the roof of her mouth and she will entertain herself (and you) for five minutes.

Give a dog a mostly empty peanut butter jar and she will entertain herself for hours, which means you can catch up on your email and see what the dvr has captured.

WIN.

What other use would a dog have for reading glasses?

2010-01-20T20:57:00.004-05:00

I was worried about what I might find when I got home from work yesterday after leaving Leigha home alone all day. There was surprisingly little damage. A 97 cent paper fan was a bit ragged and a corner of the arm of the futon frame was a tiny bit chewed. The only other thing was the dime store reading glasses. They are apparently a satisfying chew.

This morning I put all the remotes and other potential chew toys away. When I got home, I saw that she had scattered some paper that I had put in the firewood pile. There were also some plastic bottles on the couch that I could have sworn I put in the recycling, but I could be wrong. Overall, a pretty good result for a young dog left on her own in a new house. She is a good girl.

I stopped at Petsmart on the way home tonight and picked up a strong chew toy and a Kong toy that will be the source of all her food going forward. It took her an hour to eat tonight, and she was totally engaged and entertained the whole time.

I have been walking her, and that makes a big difference. I realized today, though, that I need a fallback plan for bad weather, busy schedules and illness. I started crusing Craigslist for a used treadmill.

Shopping List:

2010-01-19T21:49:00.001-05:00

Bitter Apple spray
Rawhide chew toy
Reading glasses

"The cosmic doggie door swings both ways." - Mark Bethea

2010-01-18T19:58:00.006-05:00

I miss Ginnie. I miss her so much. The grief comes upon me at unexpected moments. She was such a big part of my life, and she will always be a big part of my life. Grief will be around every corner for awhile, but I know sweet memories will gradually take the place of the grief.

It never ceases to amaze me how much room there is in our lives. A friend rescued a sweet one-year old yellow lab over the holidays. She has not had the best life so far, but I believe her last person did the best he could, and I believe she did the best for him that she could, as well. I am blessed to bring her into my life. I know we will give each other our best.

The cats are still keeping their distance, but Leigha is so sweet and calm that it won't be long before they are all friends. It will be hardest for Maggie. Maggie was Ginnie's cat, and Ginnie was Maggie's dog. One of the hardest parts of this was seeing Maggie look past me for Ginnie when I came home from the vet that day. It broke my heart that I could not explain it to her.

I know there must be an upbeat ending to this somewhere, but I'm just not up to it at the moment. I just went around the corner and there was this grief looking back at me. I'll post more later. It's all good. I promise.

Virginia Sunny Palmisano, June 16, 2000 - January 13, 2010

2010-01-13T21:16:00.000-05:00

Farewell, sweet friend. I will meet you at the Rainbow Bridge.

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.

I already miss her noise.

2010-01-10T19:28:00.006-05:00

We had a quiet weekend, my beasties and I. Too quiet. I miss fussing at Ginnie for barking at the neighbors outside. She usually sits at the window and keeps the traffic moving. I've been told that she does that on weekdays when I'm not at home, too. Now she mostly just sleeps.

She did bark when she was outside, and I was happy to hear it, but the vet said not to let her stay out too long because of the cold. She looked so happy and alert that I hated to bring her in.

Ginnie is still eating the chicken and rice, but not much compared to what she usually eats. Still, anything is better than nothing.

The vet said that the antibiotic may be affecting her appetite and that I should stop giving it to her and see if she eats better. It doesn't seem to have made any difference, but I got the distinct impression that the vet didn't think the antibiotic was important at this point, and I really trust this guy.

I just changed the bandage, and the sore or lesion or whatever you want to call it is bigger than it was on Thursday, and much bigger than when I first saw it. It did not bleed, and it didn't seem to hurt at all, but her gums are still pale. She is still drinking lots of water, but she is peeing, so the kidneys are still working.

I slept downstairs Friday and Saturday so that she didn't need to come upstairs to sleep near me. I will have to sleep in the bed tonight if I want to be at all functional at work tomorrow. At some point I will have to take some days off to deal with this.

I know this is all much harder for me than it is for the beasties. They are so much wiser than we are.

Email to my mom. We all need our moms.

2010-01-08T20:51:00.006-05:00

So I don't have to keep saying it:

Yeah. The sore on her foot is a tumor called plasmacytoma. It is usually benign, except when it isn’t. Because of some other symptoms, the vet and the pathologist suspect she also has an internal cancer, possibly a mast cell carcinoma. The only treatment for the foot is amputation, and I’m not going to put her or myself through that at her age, especially if she has another cancer. I’m just going to keep her comfortable and love her until it’s time for her to go. She isn’t eating and she is drinking a lot of water, so I think it won’t be long. I’m sad, but I am at peace with it. She packed a lot of love into the last 9+ years. I love you.

The symptoms we were concerned about were extreme paleness in her gums and a general weakness, and also some fairly serious bleeding when they changed her dressing. Also notable was that she had not come upstairs to sleep on Tuesday or Wednesday.

They kept her all day at the vet yesterday, and she seemed to feel better last night, so I brought her home. She refused her antibiotics, cream cheese and Funyuns and all, but she did come upstairs to sleep. This morning she reluctantly accepted the cream cheese/Funyun/med combo.

When I got home tonight, she had still not eaten the food I put in the bowl on Wednesday night, so I fixed her some chicken and rice with chicken stock, and she ate that and seems to be more alert. I had to stick chicken (and Funyuns) to the cream cheese to get her to take it.

If I have to buy steak, I will. Since she can't read, I feel safe posting this.

I do believe I am being played.

2010-01-04T21:02:00.003-05:00

When Ginnie was feeling awful and refusing her meds wrapped in American cheese, I switched to ham, and then to cream cheese when the ham didn't agree with her.

This morning, even though she is clearly feeling better and is eating again, she refused the meds stuffed in the cream cheese. I had to stick a Funyun to the cream cheese to get her to take it. She did the same thing tonight. I predict further escalation.

I will NOT buy filet mignon and caviar for the dog (she said, in a sort of determined tone).

Feeling Better

2009-12-31T20:39:00.003-05:00

Monday and Tuesday, Ginnie threw up all her antibiotics, which would explain why she hadn't improved as much as the vet had hoped. She wasn't eating and was refusing treats (even cat treats!). I usually give her medicine wrapped in American cheese, but she refused that, so I wrapped it in ham, which may have been what caused the throwing up.

I changed the medicine delivery system to cream cheese, and that seems to have done the trick. She has kept the meds down for two days, and she clearly feels much better. She ate last night for the first time in several days, and she is accepting her treats. I think that worried me more than anything else. She never refuses treats.

The future is still unclear, but isn't that always true? I don't care about that anymore. In the present, My sweet friend feels better, and that makes me feel better.

Ginnie Update

2009-12-30T11:57:00.003-05:00

I took Ginnie to the vet this morning, and while there was some improvement, it wasn't close to what they had hoped to see. They will be doing a biopsy on Tuesday to see if there is an underlying problem. I'm a wreck. I still believe it is just an infection, and that is as far as I'm going to think right now.

Ceasar Millan often points out that dogs live in the moment. They don't worry about what is going to happen. I will do my best to live in the moment with Ginnie until there is actually something I can do.

My sweet, silly old puppy.

2009-12-28T20:35:00.004-05:00

I got up early on Christmas day to do some last minute baking, and it took up most of my attention. At least until I noticed the blood on the carpet. Ginnie had chewed a quarter sized hole into her foot.

She chews her feet often, but she never breaks the skin. I can usually distract her until she loses interest. This time, though, she managed to chew right into the meat of her foot. It was pretty gruesome. I cleaned it as best as I could and bandaged it. It took a couple of tries to find a bandage that she would leave alone, but I finallay managed to get it right. I figured it would get better if she just left it alone.

I was partly right. When I unwrapped it on Sunday night, the swelling had gone down significantly. There was a quarter sized wound about an eighth-inch deep. It seemed mostly dry, but I could see some signs of infection starting, so I knew I had to call the vet first thing in the morning. I doused it with hydrogen peroxide, squirted copious amounts of antibactirial cream on it, and wrapped it up again. Then I started calling people and crying into their phones.

I called the vet first thing this morning, and they were able to see her this afternoon. She was running a fever, and the wound was definately infected. They packed it with sulfodine and bandaged it up. They also gave her an antibiotic injection and sent me home with a two week course of antiobiotic capsules (cheese!).

They want to see her again on Wednesday. Their hope (and my expectation) is that there will be dramatic improvement. Otherwise, they will be looking for other causes (i.e. cancer). I'm not worried. I'm pretty sure it was a hot spot gone wild.

Through the Looking Glass

2009-12-06T01:19:00.005-05:00

Last night my sister, Laura, and I rocked our mostly-annual stint at the Teddy Bear Ball for Duke Children's Hospital. I was sick last year, so I couldn't make it, but it is an event I look forward to every year.

I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but it's worth saying again - If I am ever in a position to have money to give away, Duke Children's Hospital would be where that money would go. I feel blessed to be able to do something to help out.

I also enjoy the opportunity to get all dressed up and walk amongst the fancy folk. The really awesome ones thank me for helping out, which makes me feel very humble.

That reminds me of an interesting discussion I had with my grandmother, years ago, about how there is no such thing as selfless giving. When we give, we feel blessed, and so we are rewarded, although we sought no reward.

It is a most ingenious system. Clearly divine inspiration.

Sometimes I can only concentrate on one thing at a time

2009-12-01T21:10:00.006-05:00

Recenty my focus is on learning to live gluten-free, especially during the holidays when there are so many traditional (wheat-based) foods to consider.

I started a blog specifically for that focus. 'This is me, gluten free' is where I plan to document what I am learning as I navigate through a gluten contaminated world.

I do have a more comprehensive to-do list, so once I have made satisfactory progress on the gluten-free plane, I will be moving forward on the home-improvement plane, the dog training plane and the home business plane.

If only I could just stop farting around (pun intended).

Better days ahead

2009-10-22T21:40:00.003-04:00

It's all about:
"Productivity"
"Accountability"
and
"Documentation"

Better

2009-10-12T21:06:00.003-04:00

I am the only person who can effect change in my life. I is my choice to make that change positive.

Edit: I saw the typo, but I think, although not grammatically correct, it more accurately expresses my meaning.

Had a crappy day.

2009-10-05T22:21:00.002-04:00

It was 99.99999%... ok. let's be honest and round that up to 100% my bad. I can fix this. 'Cause if I can't, ain't nobody else can.

An ephiphany, oh, so carefully phrased.

2009-10-01T21:04:00.003-04:00

I have only recently internalized the understandng that a certain individual never had the right to the power over me that I had allowed that individual to excercise. Yes, It has taken a long time for me to internalize this fact, even though I could verbalize it years ago.

This has led to a further understanding that a different individual has also excercised that power only by virtue of my permission. When I deny permission, that power is impotent.

I need to burn that shirt.

2009-09-26T22:30:00.004-04:00

Today I confessed to my brother that I may be going off my meds on the weekends accidentally on purpose. It's been a pattern for the last few months. I get up, start puttering around, give Ginnie her meds, but I don't take mine (unless I'm camping).

Usually at some point in the afternoon I realize that I am feeling morose, and I'll think, "Oh, you didn't take your meds." But I don't go take my meds. I just keep feeling morose. Sometimes, I almost...

hmmm... enjoy isn't the right word. I don't know. It feels so familiar, that sadness. It's like putting on an old familiar shirt. Sometimes I think I miss feeling those feelings. I've felt that way all my life. Is this who I am supposed to be? Am I cheating by taking drugs to feel normal?

This evening, as I was wandering through the supermarket listening to some music that was probably not even remotely as sad as I was imagining it to be, I decided that enough was enough. I came home and took my meds, and I feel much better now.

I'll take this one weekend at a time.

I like this.

2009-09-18T21:24:00.004-04:00

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
Arnold Toynbee
English historian & historical philosopher (1889 - 1975)

As a longtime owner of large, friendly dogs who have overturned chairs and broken lamps, as well as a longtime lover of America and all we have accomplished and all we aspire to be, this makes perfect sense to me.

Sometimes an idea is fully formed in my head

2009-09-16T23:25:00.005-04:00

But I can't seem to find the words.

That really pisses me off.

Remembering that day.

2009-09-11T22:21:00.010-04:00

There is a link on my blog that may sometimes be confusing. James Lileks is an unrepentant conservative. Libertarian, if I'm not mistaken. I read his blog, The Daily Bleat, every day. I enjoy his take on pretty much everything, and I love reading about his family and his dog, Jasper. He is also a Trekker. Not a Trekkie. A Trekker. <3

Anyway, today he posted a link to some video he shot and tivo'd on that day. In response to his post, there were a number of comments parroting the talking points of one side or the other, and I found that particularly repugnant.

We were all wounded on that day. We were all attacked. It didn't matter what our politics were. It certainly didn't matter what the politics of the victims were. We should remember the victims of that terrible day with reverence and thoughtfulness.

I posted as much in a comment on the blog, and I am quoting my post below. I can't seem to link directly to the video. This may be a result of my technical ineptitude or James's technical brilliance. I will link to his blog post, and unfortunately the comments, as well. Sorry bout that.

Be warned - this is not polished news footage. It is raw - like we all saw it on that day. There is some heartwrenching justaposition between his sweet little baby daughter and the horror unfolding on the screen next to her. He also added some music that is completely fitting and, again, heartwrenching. The link follows my quote.

Honestly, people! It is completely inappropriate to engage in partisan bickering in response to this very moving video. This reminder of how all of our hearts and spirits were shattered on that day. Shame on you all! Watch the video and remember the people who lost their lives that day. People of all nationalities and all faiths. Can’t you all just stop sniping for one day and be reverent?!

Thank you, James, for posting this. It brought into sharp focus those memories and feelings that have receded into the background, but have never faded.

I was at work that morning, chatting on the phone with my sister, when she said to someone near her, “Wait, what?” and then told me a plane had hit the World Trade Center. We both assumed it was a small plane, pilot error, no doubt. I went online to look just as the second plane hit, and I told her we were under attack and I had to go.

I went downstairs to the lobby, where others had already begun gathering around the TV. We all watched in stunned silence as the scene unfolded. I worked in a prominent business school at the time, and a professor who had been holding a class in an adjacent room came out to see why none of her students had returned from their break. Of course, all of them were either watching or they were at the front desk trying to figure out how to get home (many of them were New Yorkers).

I remember watching the firefighters walking past the cameras, eager to get to the fire, eager to get to the people in need of help. My then husband had been a Philadelphia firefighter for 15 years, and I understood their eagerness, as I understood the fear their spouses watching at home must have felt.

As I watched your video, James, I was particularly struck by how raw my feelings still were upon seeing the first tower fall. I can distinctly remember hearing my coworker saying, over and over, “What’s happening? Oh my god, what’s happening?” and hearing myself saying, over and over, “The first responders! Oh my god, the first responders!”

That evening, I stopped on the way home to pick up something to eat, because I knew we had to eat, whether we felt like it or not. I saw a display of flags and I picked one up. I don’t remember if I even got any food. I just mostly remember seeing the other shoppers and the employees shuffling around, red-eyed and numb-faced, knowing that I had that same look. It was like a zombie movie, but nobody was hungry.

I particularly remember a young man with a bunch of flowers in his hand. I supposed he had picked them up for some special person, for some special occasion. He was holding them down at his side, seemingly unaware that he had even picked them up. I felt sorry that his special occasion would forever be marred by the day’s events. I think that was what finally made my heart shatter. The realization that all of us were forever changed on that day.

Tell me about your experience. Don’t include your politics. They are irrelevant and out of place on such a day as this.

James Lileks-The Bleat

I'm sorry, Wheat. It's not you. It's me. I love you, really, but you make me sick. Ok, it is you.

2009-09-05T20:39:00.008-04:00

One of the things I have planned for the long weekend is cooking. Yummy, healthy, gluten free cooking. Right now I have a pot roast on that won't be ready for another two hours, but it smells so good that I want to grab it with my bare hands and rip it apart with my teeth. This would be ill advised, as it is very hot and not fully cooked.

I have not blogged about this, but people near me know that I have been mostly gluten free for a month or so. I say "mostly" and "or so" because it is a lot more complicated than just not eating bread and pasta. There is so much to learn. I have to read labels, and even then it involves a lot of guesswork, since gluten does not have to appear on labels (yet).

I'm learning. The internet is a wonderful, terrible thing. There are a lot of gluten intolerant folks out there sharing information. Just so you know, it's called celiac disease (pronounced sell-ee-ack), and it is a pain in the ass. Or more accurately, the gut. I didn't take it seriously until I found out that it can cause serious damage to the small intestine, up to and including cancer. That's when I stopped drinking beer.

Yes, people, it's that serious.

It is estimated that at least 1 in every 133 people suffer from celiac desease. Many of them don't know it, but more and more people are learning. I know I have been suffering from this for many years. I'm glad to have a name for it, and a plan. I may even be able to go off the anti-depressants, since depression is a symptom of celiac disease. I still have a lot to learn, but I know I feel better now than I did a month ago, and I know I will keep on feeling better and better.

As I'm learning, I'm helping others learn, as well. The original Carolina Ale House (formerly the Raleigh Ale House) is a mile or so from my work, and I eat there once in a while. They make an awesome cheesesteak (damn it!) and I like their salads. Friday I went there, plannning to have a salad (hold the crutons). On impulse I asked if they had a gluten free menu. The hostess seated me and said she would check.

In a minute, the manager came out and sat down at the table with me. He told me that he had a number of patrons recently who asked for gluten-free options, and that he had suggested to corporate management that they needed to come up with allergy menus.

I told him I was new at this and was still learning. He asked me about the things that I had learned, then he went over several menu options based on research he had done and he told me that he had read the labels of all the products they used to make sure they knew what was safe for gluten intolerant folks. He also told me that whenever they have an allergy request, he has the staff clean the grill and all the utensils to avoid contamination as much as possible.

Between us, we came up with a plan. I wound up with grilled cajun salmon served with rice and veggies. They left the seasoning off the veggies, but the cajun seasoning on the salmon was safe. It was quite delicious. Even better, it was on the specials menu, so it was also quite affordable! I was very impressed with how gracious he was, and I will be a regular Carolina Ale House patron from now on.

For my own edification, I'm going to start a blog listing my gluten free discoveries, and my gluten laden ones, especially the sneaky ones (soy sauce, barbecue sauce, bullion cubes, and on and on). I'll have a link to it here, in case you have some sort of wierd interest in what makes my bottom burble, or perhaps you wish to stay apprised as I become less and less flatulent. Either way, it will be TMI for many of you.

The things you hear on TV.

2009-08-26T22:19:00.003-04:00

"Here's what you and I both know, but we never talk about it - that I don't trust you. That I need you to tell me the truth and not treat me like some chess piece that you move around on some board that only you can see. That I am valued. That I matter and that I deserve to know about this world that you send me into every day, so that at least I have a fighting chance.

You know, in spite of everything, I like you. I think you're great.

I want you to think the same of me."

I love my dog

2009-08-05T23:04:00.003-04:00

But she sure can be a pain to ride with.

Lolz + Trek = The nerdiest thing I have ever seen. Ever.

2009-07-08T20:50:00.002-04:00

see more Lol Celebs

I love it!

Quiet

2009-07-06T15:49:00.002-04:00

I'm taking a break from studying, and it is so quiet and restful here. Maggie is snoring softly. Gus-Gus is dreaming, paws and whiskers twitching. Ginnie is sleeping, nose resting among the remains of a carefully shredded paper plate.

I've had a restful but productive long weekend. Saturday I didn't do much of anything, but yesterday I completed the second study unit of my dog training course. Naturally, I aced the exam.

This morning Viv woke me for petting at 6:00, as usual. Most of the time I will pet her a bit and then go back to sleep until I have to get up. As today is a holiday for me, I didn't have to get up at all, but for some reason I found myself wide awake, so I got up and started my day. By 7:30 (the time I usually get up for work) I had one load of wash done and in the dryer, the bed linens stripped and in the washer, the dishwasher emptied and the sinkful of dishes washed.

I puttered around a bit more, and by 9:30 or so my body finally went WTF?, and I took a nap. I had crazy dreams about the roof leaking and the house being invaded by ants (which it was, but I got rid of them) and snakes. The snakes turned out to be friendly, and I could pick them up and carry them around.

Most of my life I have been an early riser. I love the early morning. I used to have a hard time staying up past 10:30. That all changed when I started doing improv. I got myself all turned around. I'm thinking I need to work on getting back to my natural pattern.

If at first you don't succeed...

2009-06-23T22:55:00.005-04:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

The world is my oyster.

I don't especially care for oysters. I've never quite understood why it was a good thing to have the world as one's oyster.

Admittedly, oysters are a good source of protein, and would keep one from starving.

I'm not sure that overcomes the loogy factor.

Sassy!

2009-06-20T00:34:00.002-04:00

I went out and got my hair did. It is awesome. I was going to take a picture so everyone could see, but it is so frigging hot that by the time I got home it was all sweaty and sticking out in all directions. I hope I can figure out how to fix that by Monday.

Monday will be a very good day.

Standing Ready!

2009-06-14T21:46:00.002-04:00

I did a wine tasting Saturday (Spanish Vines Savigion Blanc and Tempranillo, quite drinkable for the price). I enjoy wine tastings. I get the chance to taste wines without having to buy the whole bottle first (kind of the point), I make a little extra money, I get to meet new people, and I get to flirt with the wine consultant. Altogether a positive experience.

Yesterday, as I stood waiting for someone to walk by so I could pounce on them and entice them to taste wine (which is not as easy as you might think), I realized that I was standing in my backline stance - my hands behind my back, on the balls of my feet, ready to jump into the scene.

It occurred to me that this is how I am viewing my life just now. I stand ready to jump into the scene and give it all I've got. I don't know where we're going, but my scene partners are brilliant, and so am I!

Hug me, please - or - Why I hate being shy.

2009-06-01T23:15:00.006-04:00

I keep having dreams about being in love with someone (no, not with you - ick, get over yourself... unless you're you!... if you're you, please just say something for fuck's sake! I'm Right. Friggin'. Here!)

Anywho, What I am dreaming is not sexual (yeah, I figured you'd lose interest at this point... buh-bye... unless you're you!... if you're you, please understand that sex is understood, it's just not part of the dreams).

All kidding aside (except for you - I have some very explicit ideas about you) I am longing for some companionship and cuddling with a bipedal, mostly not hairy (some hair is acceptable) sentient being. Hopefully it will be you. If not, any partially hairy sentient biped will do.

I'm known as "The Dog Nagger"

2009-05-22T20:48:00.002-04:00

I nag dogs, I harangue people.

I just took the first test in years that did not involve the submission of bodily fluids. I scored 100%, of course.

I have enrolled in an online training course for Dog Obedience Trainer/Instructor. I do not entertain any misapprehensions about being able to train dogs based on an online course, but there is a lot of dog behavior stuff, plus business training with this course, so I'm excited.

I also heard back from one of the trainers I emailed about an apprenticeship. He said that he wasn't in a position to take on an apprentice now, but that if his business continued to grow at the current rate, he might have something in the fall.

Two things about this are exciting. I may have an opportunity to apprentice with a master dog trainer soon, and his business is growing.

Unlike other "OMG I'm totally going to do this!" schemes I have gushed about, this is something I have wanted to do all my life. I was a test and a signature away from becoming an Air Force Security Police dog handler when I met my ex and changed the direction of my life. I have no regrets about the path I chose. I did what I came here to do, and my beautiful children are the result.

Now it's my turn. I am about to embark (no pun intended, but appreciated all the same) on a path that will brng me great joy and fulfillment.

Call me if you want me to nag your dog.

I have the most scathingly brilliant idea!

2009-05-18T22:40:00.003-04:00

I don't know why it didn't occur to me before, but I have decided that I am going to be a dog trainer. It will take a bit of time. There are training schools, but I hope to find a dog trainer who will give me an apprenticeship in exchange for volunteer help. Once I have a bit of training, I can gain experience working with shelter animals. As long as I'm willing to volunteer, I can gain a lot of OTJ training.

Tonight, during the treat ritual, I made Ginnie do a little work for hers. Might as well start at home. Then I gave the cats their treats. This reminded me of a conversation I had with a co-worker who has always owned dogs but never had a cat.

I said something about giving the cats their treats. She looked really interested and asked what cats did to earn their treats. I didn't know how to answer that, except to say, "Well, they're cats."

It is expensive to start your car!

2009-05-17T00:50:00.004-04:00

I went out to pick up a few things today. Quick trip. I got more yarn for my knitting project - yay for finding the same dye lot! Then to Walmart for cfl vanity bulbs and a new camping bin - yay for finding just the right sized bin!

Boo for a dead car battery! In case you're wondering, the guys at the Walmart auto shop will not help you if you're stranded in the parking lot. They will only help you if you can pull around to the garage. Fortunately, lots of good samaritans shop at Walmart.

Turns out, I needed a new battery and a new connector thingy (I'm told the technical term is "terminal"). About five hours, and bunch of wonderful strangers (and Joanna, my amazing daughter) later, I am home, safe and sound and feeling all gooey about humankind.

Today I was helped by a beautifully tattooed young black man, a sassy, funny checkout clerk, a middle eastern fast food server, an older black mechanic (who has a shop near my house and will probably be my mechanic from now on), a lesbian couple, an hispanic auto parts clerk, a long haired, tattooed redneck type and a Mexican couple who spoke no English at all. Oh, and also a very girly Italian American Princess who got her hands really dirty for her mom.

P.S. - I only mention the ethnicity of the men who helped me because the whole time I was very obviously stranded, almost all the white men I saw walked right by without stopping or even looking in my direction. Only the one redneck guy stopped to help. I don't know what that means, but I am sure it is socialogically significant.

Shiva envy

2009-05-13T22:47:00.003-04:00

I suspect Shiva was a cat lover. Four arms would just about satisfy three cats and a dog.

I can imagine Shatner reading it now...

2009-05-12T20:52:00.005-04:00

the garlic burns the belly one
mushroom rape
eat the dish
leek speculation eggs
the tomato is fried the egg
fine and soft rape of dish
fry the naked oats dish clearly
second winter burning

That last line just destroys me every time.
*sniff* .

If I do say so, myself.

2009-05-10T21:21:00.004-04:00

I am so glad that my daughter is my bestest girlfriend ever. I love that she is a woman I can talk to and know that I will get wonderful, honest and intelligent feedback. She is pretty wonderful.

I am so glad that my son is a man who can recognize and nourish the potential of the amazing, delightful little future-woman in his charge. I know that he will guide this lovely young girl as she becomes a strong woman, and I love that he is excited about that. He is pretty awesome.

I guess I did ok.

Mmmmmm... relaxed, and kinda' stinky.

2009-04-26T19:30:00.008-04:00

Ginnie and I went camping with Laura and Matt this weekend, and we had a very nice time. I didn't feel like fooling around with the tent, and I knew it was supposed to be a calm weekend, so I did not bother with staking the tent or puttng on the rainfly. I woke up sometime Friday night or Saturday morning, and was astounded, as always, by the starry sky. I think I will avoid using my rainfly whenever practical.

Ginnie loves camping, and has settled into a routine of digging all the gravel out from under the picnic table at every site. She loves to be outside, especially at night and early in the morning. I let her stay out until I absolutely could not stay awake another minute, and then she was sweet about coming into the tent. She asked to be let out about six am, and I hooked her to her lead and let her on out. She promptly curled up at the door of the tent and stayed there, totally content, until I got up (not saying when).

I relaxed and read while Laura and Matt fished. Ginnie and I went down to visit them for a bit, and Ginnie waded back and forth in the lake, just as happy as can be. Laura caught a big catfish, and we tried to show it to Ginnie, but even putting it right in her face brought no response. What can I say. Goldies are bird dogs. Show her a bird, or a stuffed animal, or a sock, for that matter, and she's all over it.

Fish. Eh.

The catfish freaked me out, though. It started making this croaking noise! I had no idea fish made noises. It reminded me of a didgeridoo (not so long or rythmic, of course). I never expected that! I have never pretended to be anything but an omnivore (which,by definition, includes carnivore, pescevore or poultryvore [not sure if those last two are words, but that's my story, and I'm sticking to it]. I was glad when Laura threw him back. I couldn't condone eating someone I'd had a conversation with.

Driving home, I saw one of the funniest things ever. There was a car in front of me on I-40 with a great dane sticking his head and shoulders out the sunroof. I hope he was wearing eye-protection, of course, but it was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

I'm ready to kick work's ass now. Let me know if you want to go camping, as I will go as often as I can.

Some traditions are sacred

2009-03-22T23:24:00.002-04:00

I taught myself to knit some 23 years ago, using Japanese chopsticks as needles and illustrations in the encyclopedia as instruction. I only learned the basics, but I made one extremely groovy sweater.

After that, I abandoned knitting. It was too slow. Sewing, crochet and patchwork get quicker results.

Today, I taught myself to cable stitch, and am about to make another extremely groovy sweater. This time, I am using real knitting needles, but they are Japanese bamboo needles.

I will need smaller needles to do the ribbing on the edges, and I have some chopsticks in the kitchen that will be perfect.

I'm such a Mom

2009-03-19T22:15:00.008-04:00

Whenever I see someone, especially a young person, doing something embarrassing on TV, I always think about how their mom would blush. When caught up in the excitement of the testesterone laden college basketball playoffs, men tend to forget the finer points of etiquette.

I just watched a b-ball player adjust his jock, and I don't blame him - hey, I tug on my bra straps when they irritate me (though not if I knew I was on TV - I'm just trying to find common ground but, yeah, women would never do that sort of thing if we knew there was someone watching, much less filming) - but I know his mom probably blushed a bit, and I thought of her.

The other day, I spotted a coach picking his nose. His mom, wife and daughter were mortified, I am sure. His sister just laughed and laughed and laughed. (I am also a sister)

All I'm sayin' is please, please think of your moms. They only have your best interests at heart, especially now that youtube replays everything ad nauseum.

...perchance to dream

2009-03-01T23:40:00.004-05:00

I had some really intense dreams last night. The first group of dreams were really awesome post-apocaplyptic survival type dreams. There was a lot of detail. I wonder wwhenever I have such detailed dreams whether they are dreams or memories. In this dream, I was learning to fish, but I was concerned that the survivors were not getting any vegetables. There was a black market where you could get them, but since money was worthless, it didn't make any sense.

I woke up to pee and get a drink of water and went back to sleep. Then I dreamed that I realized that I had been keeping two fish in my room without any water. I immediately filled the bathtub for them and that problem was solved. The other occupants of the house did not appreciate the fish in the bathtub, but I assured them that I would find a more appropriate place for the fish.

I also had acquired a chimpanzee, and I spent the remainder of the dream working with my ex on how we were going to adapt the existing features of our house to accomodate the chimp. We had several areas that had been previously built as recreation for the kids that could be converted to space for the chimp, now that the kids were grown. We finally settled on a treehouse that could be expanded as needed.

I'm still working on the first dream. That is some pretty deep stuff. I didn't even come close to describing the detail of the dream.

I completely understand the second part. We were able to agree on a way to contain an unpredictable, potentially uncontrollable animal.

Windows to the soul

2009-02-24T23:33:00.006-05:00

I have central heterochromia (scroll down a bit). I always knew there must be a name for it, but it was hard to find.

I never accepted the description of my eyes as hazel. I have always identified as green eyed, but I have this golden ring around my irises. To me, it has always looked like a sunflower in a field of grass. It's cool to find a specific name for it.

Not that it really changes anything. It's just kind of interesting to have a name for it. I will still always see sunflowers in my eyes.

Small things are cute

2009-02-19T21:28:00.007-05:00

So, as I sit here, typing on my new teensie, weensie laptop that I just got today, I'm using a teensie weensie wireless signal I'm stealing from who knows where, and there is a teensie weensie kitty sleeping on my foot.

It is the teensie weensie kitty I am thinking about now.

Well, actually, the teensie weensie keyboard is an issue, as well. Grrr.

Vivi usually talks with a teensie weensie kitten voice. It is adorable, and I love it, but it always puzzled me. I know (as does Corey) that her voice can be quite large, so I wondered why she always talks in that tiny kitten voice. This morning I realized why.

Cats don't normally meow at each other. When in the company of other cats, they're only vocal when they are very young, very angry or in pain. They learn to communicate with humans vocally because we are too stupid to pick up on the body language and pheremones they use to communicate. Stoopid hoomans. So they talk baby talk to us. They keep up the verbal language they used as kittens, and it matures as their hoomans mature.

I don't know for sure how much hooman interaction Viv had before she met my mom, but we know she was at least six months old. When she came to live with me (her previous home being under my mom's house), she had three little squeaky kittens. I think Viv talks the way she does because she learned to speak hooman from her kittens and never lost the kitten "accent". Thus the teensie weensie squeaky kitten voice.

Or not. Who can figure out cats?

That's Reverend Lisa P to you

2009-02-08T12:25:00.007-05:00

Just let me know if you need me to perform a wedding, baptism, funeral or bris.

My blog sent me an email

2009-01-09T18:36:00.002-05:00

It thinks I've forgotten where it lives. I'm sorry, poor little blog. I just can't seem to find the time and energy to post in you. Lately, I have been wanting to writhe...

Ok, that was interesting. I meant to type "write".

Anyway, most of the things I feel like writing about are things I don't really want to put in a public place. The world is wierd and I am unsettled. I don't want to feel this way. I hate feeling this way. I asked my doctor to up my meds, and it helped, but I am still unsettled.

I am waiting for something and I don't know what it is. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that, since I spent the last couple of years waiting for people I love to die, I may not have fully internalized the fact that I no longer have anything to wait for.

I don't make New Years resolutions. I stopped doing that years ago because I decided I don't want to start out the new year lying to myself. I do, however, always take stock of where I am and where I want to go, and I usually do make some positive changes. I don't resolve to continue them, I just say to myself "Today, I'm going to...whatever."

This year, I got a Wii Fit (no Wii yet, but that will come) and I want to start having fun and getting some exercise. I'm done being a Victorian invalid. I'm ready to feel energetic again.

There, blog. Is that better? *hug*

Remember to breathe

2008-11-10T09:24:00.002-05:00

Today's Horoscope for Leo:
Be sincere, but don't gush. Lay out your case succinctly today. Lay out your case. Anyone who isn't convinced isn't paying attention.

I am my own hero.

2008-09-21T22:06:00.008-04:00

My hair smells of smoke.

Ginnie and I went camping, and were delighted when Sprocket and his people, Laine and Geraud, joined us. We had a lovely time. Geraud defended us against bears and/or blue heron, or would have, had we been threatened by bears and/or blue heron. Or squirrels. You can never trust squirrels.

Last time I went camping, I went on an ill advised hike... well, ok, I admiit that I had been advised not to go, but ignored the advice. It didn't seem so bad. .6 miles. Surely I can manage .6 miles.

I could not imagine .6 miles of stairs. Evil, sharp, uneven stairs with no handrail. More than half a mile of them, all downhill! My mother always told me that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

She was wrong. The road to hell is paved with stone stairs leading to a really, really disappointing "waterfall". Worse yet, Ginnie and I had to go back up those same damned stairs.

This time, I made sure there would be no hiking necessary. I picked a spot close to the bathrooms (for daylight trips) and with plenty of woodland coverage (for night-time trips).

We had a lovely time.

Oh, hai.

2008-08-31T23:33:00.003-04:00

I'm still here. I've just been circling the airport for a while. Not sure if I'm circling to land or circling to pick someone up. Just circling.

I've been in a wierd funk the last few months. It's been a difficult year, having lost two dads and getting so sick. I had another rough bout with bronchitis in July. The doctor says I don't have asthma or any other "disease", so we just need to figure out what is triggering this friggin cough and how to stop it.

I've only managed one camping trip this summer, but the car is packed and will stay that way until I am able to get out again. I need only load the cooler and the dog and I'm ready to go.

Well, alright then.

2008-07-06T23:26:00.002-04:00

Just now, it feels like more is happening for the people I love than for me. I hope they all know that I am hugging them right now.

I was missed.

2008-06-11T23:43:00.002-04:00

I got home late last night and didn't have a chance to pick up Ginnie, but it was clear that Maggie, Gus and Viv had missed me. Maggie made sure to let me know she didn't really need me around before she came to get some loving, but Gus and Viv saw no reason for such formalities.

Viv, acutely aware of the strange scents I had acquired on my travels, took it upon herself to personally cleanse me of all impure scents.

All.

Fracking.

Night.

Long.

She thoroughly cleaned my hands, arms and face of all foreign scents. At least I hope so. I cannot endure another night of the feline scratchy tongue bath.

Tonight I picked up Miss Ginnie at Sprocket's house, and, while it was clear that she had had a great vacation, she was glad to see me. I also enjoyed Sprocket's leaping, spinning greeting. I like that little fella.

When we got home, things settled into more or less the usual routine. I don't know if I want to leave for quite so long again. It puts a lot of strain on things and beasties, and people, too.

I like knowing that I was missed.

I'd best go to sleep. Matins is at 3:00 (2:00 Eastern time)

2008-06-08T01:32:00.007-04:00

"EVERY path may lead you to God, even the weird ones. Most of us are on a journey. We’re looking for something, though we’re not always sure what that is. The way is foggy much of the time. I suggest you slow down and follow some of the side roads that appear suddenly in the mist."
Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, February 13, 2003
Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

I'm not sure how or why I am awake at this point, but here I am, at 1:00 in the morning, sitting in front of a strange computer (well, actually, it's a quite ordinary computer, just not one I'm familiar with).

I had a wonderful experience at Covenant Baptist Church's Franciscan retreat, and I will post all sorts of wordy, insightful details as soon as I have had a chance to process it all. (Yes, I realize I said the same thing about the Gettysburg trip. I still have the pictures from that, but I'm holding onto them until PT is famous).

Right now, I'm thinking about some of the fun things that stick in my mind about the weekend.

The first thing that comes to mind is how delightful it is that a group of grown men can suddenly become twelve year old boys when there is a bug available to be poked with a stick. We had both a scorpion and a centipede in the church, and the boys had all kinds of fun until the poor bugs stopped wiggling and finally gave up.

Walking out to the labyrinth by candlelight was magical, as was walking the labyrinth itself. I'll post more about that later. One thing I recall that will not fit into that later post is the audience we had. As I walked around, being all serious and contemplative and all, I heard a loud "whuff!" and looked up to see that we were being observed by two steer, who clearly thought we were quite daft.

The second biggest chuckle I got during the retreat was when Tim shared his surprise at hearing someone say "fuck" at the first Sunday school class he attended at Covenant. The biggest chuckle came when Sumana asked him if Covenant also had adult Sunday school classes. The woman was born for improv.

I had a great time and I learned a lot. There was laughter and there were tears, but surrounding all that, there was love and sharing and fellowship. I am grateful to Gordon and to all the lovely people who made this weekend happen.

oilcan...oilcan!

2008-05-27T01:29:00.005-04:00

I'm getting more and more excited about my upcoming vacation. I even bought some eyedrops. It seemed like the American thing to do.

I'm also looking forward to doing some improv again. It's been awhile. Four String Samurai is doing some workshops, and it feels right to be joining them. I'll be pretty rusty, but if anybody can loosen me up, it's these guys.

I have a cool job.

2008-05-16T23:18:00.000-04:00

From: Office Manager

To: Group, Raleigh Office Staff

Subject: Happy Friday

The company is making available to Raleigh employees a bottle of Classic Red Table Wine. James will have the product staged in the warehouse by the cage for you to pick up. The bottles were opened by mistake at a function last night, so make certain the product is in your back seat or trunk on your commute home. We do not want to break any open container laws. Enjoy.

Mary

I did my part.

2008-05-06T22:28:00.001-04:00

I just hope and pray everyone else did, too.

Will 3 ounces be enough?

2008-05-03T23:11:00.005-04:00

I am very excited about a trip I'm planning to San Antonio to visit my little baby awesome-niece and her parents. I'm planning the trip around a nifty Franciscan retreat at... wait for it... a Baptist church. Check out the Real Live Preacher link on my blog for details. I am really excited about the whole trip.

I have only flown once since 9/11, and that was before the whole shampoo as explosive thing, so I figured I'd check and see what I could actually carry on. So I go to the TSA page for the most up to date idiocy (oops, did I say that out loud?) for a list of safe, non-explosive toiletries.

I run down the list of things people might want to bring on a plane: Creams, lotions, first aid creams or ointments, bubble bath, insect repellant, cigar cutters (well, ok, wierd since you can't smoke on the plane, but ok), corkscrews (at least someone respects the essentials in life), deodorant (ditto), eyedrops - you can take a 3 oz container of eyedrops, gel filled bras - no restrictions whatsoever. What?! The titties trump my safety?! I must protest!

Anyway, we move on past the titties and get to knives (NO!) and lip gloss and liquid bubble bath (well... ok), liquid soaps, mascara, nail files and nail polish.

Then we come to non-prescription liquid or gel medicines. To quote the TSA site: "You are allowed to carry up to 3 oz., of eye drops in a clear, one-quart plastic bag. Volumes greater than 3 oz. must be declared to the Security Officer and cannot be carried in your clear, one-quart bag." What is with the fixation on eyedrops?

Next on the list is personal lubricants: "Personal lubricants - You are allowed to carry up to 3 oz., of eye drops in a clear, one-quart plastic bag. Volumes greater than 3 oz. must be declared to the Security Officer and cannot be carried in your clear, one-quart bag."

Poor, frustrated Republicans.

Now we move on through safety razors, scissors, shampoos and conditioners and toothpaste.

And then there's this: Toy Transformer Robots

Yes, Americans, the Transportation Security Administration has determined that it is indeed safe to allow Toy Transformer Robots onboard an airplane.

God Bless America.

I am hugging you now.

2008-05-02T00:30:00.009-04:00

Someone said this to me years ago, at a time when I really needed a hug. She was four hundred miles away, but her hug was as real as if she were in the room with me. Her love and support were palpable and immediate.

Since then, because of her example, I have said the same thing to many people, and I have meant it with all my heart. If I say I am hugging you, please know that my spirit is wrapping my arms around you and giving you all the love I have.

I am hugging you now.

WARNING! Addictive!

2008-04-18T16:14:00.002-04:00

From Ryan's blog. I can't stop!

Bloxorz

Get the block to fall into the square hole.

Play this free game now!!

We've come a long way, baby

2008-04-07T00:51:00.010-04:00

There is just no such thing as a moderate Republican these days. That party used to represent me, but not anymore. The party has changed, and so have I. I used to be socially moderate and fiscally conservative. Now I find myself socially liberal and fiscally moderate. I don't belong there anymore. Today I made it official. I am now a registered Democrat. It moved me more than I expected it would.

My initial plan was to make a statement as a Republican by refusing to vote Republican until the party stopped pandering to the religious right. Now, I just want to get the scary people out of office and make my once great country great again.

I want very much for Barak Obama to be the next president. I knew I would be supporting whatever Democratic candidate was nominated, but I wasn't confident about Obama. I liked Edwards. Whatever. But the more I hear Obama speak, the more I realize that he is what we need now. This is a man who can unite us as a nation and can repair our image on the world stage.

(There is a whole 'nother essay about how awesome it is that I am torn between voting for the woman or the black man to be the next presidential candidate. Remind me to tell you about overhearing my teachers talking about the first black child coming into my elementary school.)

I am humbled.

2008-04-04T23:21:00.007-04:00

I shook a man's hand today, and confirmed a commitment I made lifetimes ago. I have seen this man many times over the last few years, but only today did I realize we have been on the same journey for many lifetimes. When will I internalize the fact that we are all on this journey together?

I am so humbled by the choice this man has made in this lifetime, and by the kindness shown by others toward him. I feel myself elevated above this existance by the generosity of spirit I observed today, not only by this man, but by another soul on this path I am walking.

By choosing the path he did, our fellow traveler allows us to serve him, and to learn humility and kindness. I pray that, in serving him, I remember to show him dignity and respect. I pray that someday I will find the strength and courage to walk the path he is walking in this life.

It is as close to nothing, while still being something, as it can be.

2008-03-25T23:41:00.005-04:00

Or visa versa. Apparently I have some "disorderly cell growth". Fuck you for judging my biological housekeeping.

As of Friday, all disorder will be cryogenically reordered.

*brushes hands and walks away*

It's probably nothing.

2008-03-19T23:27:00.003-04:00

Implicit in that statement is that it might be something.

But probably not.

Unless it is.

I'm pretty sure everything is fine. I'll keep you posted.

Dreaming of horses.

2008-03-11T21:22:00.003-04:00

A fine man left this world early Sunday morning. William Randol was my step-father. He was also my friend, and a man I loved deeply. He loved my mother the way she needed and deserved to be loved. He also loved life like no one I've ever met before. If I had to describe him in one word, that word would be delight.

Bill was delighted with my mother. He was delighted with the world. It was a delight to be in his presence. I remember walking in Pennypack Park with him on a snowy January day. Bill, Joanna and I had taken our dog, Sunny, out for a walk. When we reached the creek, Bill joyously exclaimed, "Those are Canada honkers!", and proceeded to take pictures of the geese swimming in the creek. Bill found joy in everything he saw.

I will miss this man, not just because he made my mother happy. I will miss this man because he brought laughter and sweetness wherever he went. I know he had his dark times. We all have our dark times, some of us more than others. But Bill wanted people to remember him for his joy, and I so always will.

This last part will mean more to some of us than others:

This is a man who thinks with his heart,
His heart is not always wise.
This is a man who stumbles and falls,
But this is a man who tries.

This is a man you'll forgive and forgive,
And help protect, as long as you live...
He will not always say
What you would have him say,
But now and then he'll do
Something
Wonderful.

He has a thousand dreams
That won't come true,
You know that he believes in them
And that's enough for you.

You'll always go along,
Defend him where he's wrong
And tell him, when he's strong
He is
Wonderful
He'll always
Needs your love
And so he'll get your love.
A man who needs your love
Can be
Wonderful.

She'll always go along
Defend him when he's wrong
And tell him when he's strong
He is wonderful.
He'll always need her love
And so he'll get her love
A man who needs your love
Can be wonderful.

Placeholder days

2008-02-19T01:59:00.007-05:00

I really have been doing things and being me the last few months. I just don't seem to have anything to say about it. There was a military funeral on a tv show tonight. It wasn't quite accurate, but I still cried when the guy said, "from a grateful nation." This is taking more time than I expected (as if I ever thought I knew what to expect).

I have a new office fish. He is a lovely red betta splendens. I did the research, so I know he needs a heater and a filter and at least a few gallons of environment to be happy and healthy. I guess I'm doing ok by him, since he has built an impressive bubble nest in one corner of the aquarium. He is all set for any pretty lady fish who happen by. Sometimes when I watch him busily blowing bubbles, I can't help but think of The Continental. Poor lonely fella. I have named him Fabio, because he is so handsome, and he has such long, luxurious fins.

I also got two pretty goldfish for my home aquarium. Needless to say, Gus-Gus is a happy boy.

I feel like I'm in one of those dreams where I'm trying to run somewhere, but I'm stuck in mud or something. I've read that those dreams are caused when one comes close to the surface of wakefulness but is still paralyzed by sleep. I'm thinking that is a pretty good analogy. When I wake up, I can get moving for real.

I promise to brush my teeth before I talk to you.

Wisdom of the ages.

2008-02-01T00:05:00.000-05:00

This was originally a smart-aleck post on a message board, but I actually do live by these rules.

Carry a clipboard and walk fast.

Don't get your honey where you get your money. (I may be rethinking this one)

Allow an hour per drink. (If I'm driving farther than from Ross and Heidi's house to my house)

If you don't like someone, just don't bother with them.

Always buy at least three if they fit.

If you find dark chocolate on sale, BUY IT!

Edit: 2/5/08 - I realize that a couple of these rules need some qualification, so I added some notes.

Miss Maggie has hit the big time!

2008-01-29T11:34:00.000-05:00

I thought this was for someone else, but it was for me.

2008-01-28T23:26:00.000-05:00

There is a solution to every problem. We create habits and problems to fulfill a need. When I can find a positive way to fulfill the need, I can release the problem.

and the top card:

This year I do the mental work for positive change. My motto this year is: "I go for the joy!" Life is here for me to enjoy today.

Introducing Mark, the Digital Guy!

2008-01-21T20:47:00.000-05:00

He also happens to be Mark, my baby brother.

Apply directly to the forehead. Apply directly to the forehead.

2008-01-21T00:22:00.000-05:00

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons evrywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all
Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all

I saw a guy get followed today. It was total wierdness.

2008-01-14T22:56:00.000-05:00

I'm not kidding! I was sitting at Mitchell's in Crabtree today, getting my hair cut, and I totally saw a guy getting followed!

So, I'm sitting there, trying to think of things to say to the stylist, because I always feel guilty because I don't really want to chat with the stylist but it is expected (I always wish for the stylist who is relieved that I don't want to chat, but it never happens).

Anywho, I'm sitting there and I see this really dorky mallwalker go by. The salon is in one of those alleyways that lead to the mall doors that don't go into an anchor store. Does anyone ever really use those?

Anywho, I see this mallwalker go by, and then, maybe 20 feet behind him, I see this dorky guy carrying a couple of bags walk by. I love peoplewatching, so I notice these things. I see Mallwalker go by again, having turned around in the alleyway. No surprise. He's mallwalking. Then I see Dorky Guy walk by again. Eh, maybe he forgot something. Curtain falls, time passes, awkward small talk with the stylist ensues.

...and then I see Mallwalker again... and I see Dorky Guy again. Now they have my attention. Sure enough, Mallwalker turns around at the alleyway doors and walks by again, followed by Dorky Guy with the bags.

So. Fucking. Wierd.

btw, I absolutely love the haircut. I'm calling to make another appointment with the stylist in a couple of months. I hope to think of some things to talk about by then.

[/headdesk]

2008-01-04T23:55:00.000-05:00

"Wanting to be someone you're not is a waste of the person you are." ~Kurt Cobain

I have received this message from a variety of sources over the past couple of days. I get it. I am where I am supposed to be now. My job is to internalize that message and get happy with where I am and who I am right now. Anything else is a waste of time and energy. Understanding this has had a dramatic effect on my outlook.

I had a sobering moment this evening while thinking about my recent illness. I was coughing a bit and thinking it was almost time to take my medicine. I suddenly realized that, less than a century ago, maybe even within my parents' lifetimes, anyone as sick as I had been would probably have died. The medicines that helped me recover were all very recent (I am allergic to penicillin).

I am where I am supposed to be. I will not waste it.

There is water falling out of the sky!!!

2007-12-30T23:30:00.000-05:00

While I was talking to my mom on Christmas day, she told me it was snowing there (Portland, Oregon). I told her we didn't care what form it came in, we were just wishing for a wet Christmas. I'm grateful for the past couple of rainy days. If we have another month and and a half like this, maybe we can move from exceptional drought to extreme drought.

I have to laugh at people close to me who mock climate change news while worrying that their wells will run dry. After I laugh, I cry.

I am recovering from my bout with bronchitis, but it is a slow process. If I miss a dose of Advair, it takes me a couple of days to stop coughing. I joked with someone about it, but I really do feel like a Victorian era invalid. I have no wind. I get the vapors. Walking across the parking lot from my car wears me out. I guess I'm getting a glimpse of my mortality. Fuck that shit.

I had a nice Christmas visiting with my awesome-niece, Alana, who brought her parents, Megan and Ben, to visit. I had not met Ben, so that was nice. Alana was just as sweet and squishable as I expected. Next time I see her, she will not be six months old, so the squishing will be more of a challenge. She has no idea what she's up against. Bwahahaha.

My most favorite Christmas presents came from Joanna, in the form of The Whole Bean, and an unexpected visit from Mr.Corey Brown.

All in all, it's been a pleasant holiday. At some point in life, you realize that pleasant is a pretty damned good compromise.

Not just for thy pleasure, I suspect.

2007-12-19T23:56:00.000-05:00

From Miss Vivi, I learn unconditional love.
From Miss Maggie, I learn confidence.
From Mr. Gus, I learn courage.
From Miss Ginnie, I learn joy.

I have good teachers.

A visit and a message.

2007-12-09T13:01:00.000-05:00

In the dream, the doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole and saw my ex's nephew, Mark, who died tragically just before Thanksgiving, but I didn't know that in the dream. He said, "Come on, Lisa. I have to hurry!"

I opened the door and saw that he was working for FedEx and had a package for me. I said, "Hey Mark! I didn't know you worked for FedEx. I hear that's a great job." Mark shrugged, which was typical for him. He was always pretty shy and low key. I signed for the package, gave him a quick hug and went inside.

The package was from a law firm. Inside the package were two pairs of my dad's shoes. One pair was worn out and muddy. The other was brand new and never worn.

On the importance of proofreading

2007-12-06T14:40:00.001-05:00

(Click for larger image)

It was touch and go for a while, but I'm still here.

2007-12-05T13:50:00.000-05:00

Having been the recipient of the fish-eye from Ross for not updating, I figured I'd use my lunch hour to post. I haven't been posting because I've been really sick. I had the worst case of bronchitis ever, and I basically lost the entire month of November. In the last four weeks, I have coughed so hard that I've puked, peed my pants and passed out (did that twice - very scary). [edit: I didn't do all those things at once. That WOULD be scary. I puked or peed a bunch of times and only passed out twice] I actually had a bruise on my ribs from coughing.

Since we don't have sick days at work, I had to drag myself in, though I did miss two days (ask Corey how sick I must have been to miss work). So that's sixteen hours in actual lost wages, plus the twelve hour "wellness" bonus I lost because I called in sick. Add to that the $60 I spent on doctor visit copays and the $195 or so on prescription copays. I hate spending money on something that makes me feel so shitty. It just seems wrong. If I'm going to spend a bunch of money, I want it to be for something fun!

I am recovering at last, but I think it's going to take a long time for this cough to subside. I can live with that, if only the cough induced puking and peeing would stop.

Excuses for not posting aside, being sick has meant that there really hasn't been all that much to blog about. The heat was broken until Thursday, but that wasn't really a big deal. I lit a fire and cuddled up under quilts and kitties and stayed very cozy. Viv and Gus-Gus ran every time I had a coughing fit, but Maggie never left my lap unless I moved her so I could get up, and when I did get up, I had to step over the dog to go anywhere. They were good nurses.

I felt well enough last night to go to trivia at Linda's. Rural Juror did not win, but we were declared "Special". We even got a ribbon that said so. It felt good to get out. I've been collapsing on the couch every night, and resting all day on the weekends trying to shake this thing. I plan to keep taking care of myself, but I do want to get back to my life, such as it is.

Eh, not worth the time.

2007-12-05T13:43:00.000-05:00

Just remember poor Mrs. Johnson whenever you think you have troubles.

2007-11-13T00:20:00.000-05:00

Ruth D. Johnson to me

Beloved, I am Mrs. Ruth D. Johnson from England; I am married to Mr. Johnson the Manager of PG Gold corporation Ghana. We were married for 40 years without a child. He died in a car accident in Italy with his driver on their way to Late Luciano Pavarotti the singer funeral who died Thu, 6 Sep 2007. I was told by my doctor that I would not last for the next three months due to my cancer problem. Before my husband died we both deposited the sum of ($5.7Million Dollars with a Private security Company here in Europe. I decided to appoint you as my beneficiary, believing you will utilize these funds the way I am going to instruct herein. I want you to use this fund according to our desire to help les privileged people; orphanages, widows, charity organizations, I and my late husband both took this decision. We don't have any child or trust relatives, they betrayed us before, i want you to remember me in your daily prayers because of my up coming Cancer Surgery if at all you can not help me with my last wish, and if you can assist my claim and donate these funds to different organizations mentioned above please write back soonest, My relatives are here with me, because of what happened in the past I don’t want to give them any chance to know about this funds this is why i need a neutral person whom I can count on if at all death do us apart as the doctor informed. Good friend is better than a bad relatives/brother/sister etc. I will offer you 30% of the total funds for your assistance. I will give you further information’s to receive the money from the security company without any problem with any authorities. It is 100% risk free and legal, it will benefit you also. Best regards, Mrs. Ruth D. Johnson

It's naht a toomah!

2007-11-07T14:18:00.000-05:00

Why do people always feel the need to play diagnostician when they discover someone has any sort of minor medical issue? For example:

Them: Are you ok?
Me: I have a migraine. I took some medicine, so I'll be fine soon.
Dr. Them: Maybe it's a sinus infection.
Me: No, it's a migraine. I get them sometimes, and my medicine helps.
Dr. Them: It could be a brain tumor. You should go get that checked out. My neighbor's cousin got this bad headache and...
Me: No, it's a migraine. I have gotten it checked out. That's how I got the medicine.
Dr. Them: Could be a tension headache. Maybe you're stressed out.
Me: True, someone has been annoying me lately.

or

Me: *ahCHOO!*
Them: Are you sick?
Me: No, it's just hayfever. I took some medicine, so I'll be fine soon.
Dr. Them: Did you get your flu shot?
Me: Yes, I did. This is just allergies. I get them every fall.
Dr. Them: It could be a cold.
Me: No, it's allergies: ragweed, mold, you know, the usual.
Dr. Them: Did you change laundry detergent or something? It could be something new in your environment.
Me: It's. Just. Hayfever! Lots of people have it! I get it every year! It's no big mystery!
Dr. Them: Ok, sorry. Don't get so stressed out. You'll get one of your tension headaches.

The black dog.

2007-11-06T00:22:00.000-05:00

It's been a wierd week or so. I ran out of meds on Thursday, and had been taking them every other day for a week before that. It's an expensive damned prescription.

I hit the wall this morning and just fell apart. Fortunately, the meds were in the mail this evening. Building Maintenance Guy will be relieved. He was all set to head out to the pharmacy today. Damn the copay! Full speed ahead!

I added the black dog label to my blog yesterday, and figured I'd go back and label all the depression related posts with it. It was interesting and refreshing to see how far back I had to go before I found any. Of course, it goes without saying that if I had started from the beginning instead of working backwards, I would just be attaching it to all of them. I think I'll wait a few doses before I try to go that far back.

The more I think about Churchill's black dog, the more fitting it seems. A person who has not experienced chronic depression might imagine the black dog as a menacing creature. Not so. I love dogs. My dogs have been my constant companions, and I could always count on them. I knew exactly what to expect. I could control them to a certain degree, but they remained independent creatures.

The black dog is just always there. You can reach out your hand and his head is there to rest it on. It isn't menacing. It is just there. Always there.

Procrastination is not good when it comes to filling prescriptions

2007-11-04T21:20:00.000-05:00

I aways feel like somebody's watching me (I ain't got no privacy).

2007-10-30T00:07:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you youngsters these days, but back when I was your age, I used to hear the dreaded words, "This is going into your PERMANANT RECORD." (horses shriek, as if hearing the name "Frau Blucher")

This was pretty much the worst thing that could happen to a kid in the 60's and 70's. After all, it was, well, PERMANANT.

I remember some mention of a permanant record threat in an episode of "That 70'Show". It was funny because it really was something that was held over our heads back then. Of course, hindsight being 20/20, I can imagine why. I wonder how many of my parents' generation actually have "permanant records" hidden away somewhere.

It goes without saying that mine do, and I probably do, too, but that has nothing to do with me being accused of cheating on a test in the 3rd grade (I didn't, it was totally that bitch, Terry).

[shitshitshit!theytotallyknowthatican'trememberthatbitch'snamesoimadeoneup!shit!IDIDN'TCHEATOK?ITWASHERSHEDIDIT!!!!!]

ANYway. I just got around to looking at some of the stuff my sister sorted out of my dad's paperwork, and discovered that he had saved at least a little bit of my dreaded PERMANANT RECORD (horses shriek, as if hearing the name "Frau Blucher") there in a desk drawer.

I am holding my permanant record (horses say, "Are you fricking serious? This rated Blucher shrieking? I don't think so.") in my hands. A few handwritten report cards. Some Girl Scout records. A standardized test pamphlet. Good God, I sucked at math! Thankfully, I had a decent grasp on the King's English, and I was able to earn some valuable badges. Housekeeping, Books, and Hospitality stand out.

It's funny to think about how seriously we took all that stuff. I can't imagine there is any remaining record of it except what we find in our parents' memory boxes. Oh, I am sure there are hard copies to be found somewhere in that warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. My generation is the last anonymous generation.

The rest of you are screwed.

This is what I want to see on TLC!

2007-10-29T23:59:00.000-04:00

lisapalmi: you are an evil genius
sleepycatjoanna: buahahahah
lisapalmi: just a little bit more savings and you will have the downpayment toward that volcanic laboratory!!!!
sleepycatjoanna: heh
lisapalmi: or did you choose the undersea one?
lisapalmi: that was lovely, what with all the sharks
sleepycatjoanna: no, still going with the volcanic for the time being, ideally i'll get one on the moon
lisapalmi: oh, very nice
lisapalmi: flip that volcanic lab!
sleepycatjoanna: my fav show
lisapalmi: i prefer "while you were out of your secret volcanic lair" myself
sleepycatjoanna: then there's "what not to wear if you're an evil genius"
lisapalmi: oh yes
lisapalmi: did you see the one where stacy and clinton totally devastated that robot in the 360 mirror?
lisapalmi: it breaks the heart to see a robot cry
sleepycatjoanna: hehe
sleepycatjoanna: they always turn around in the end though
lisapalmi: true
lisapalmi: i loved the robot with the leopard print kitten heels

God bless me! Dhank you.

2007-10-27T00:12:00.000-04:00

I am still dragging my ass around, sniffing and sneezing. I don't remember ever having a hay fever attack this bad. If I did, I thought it was a cold or the flu.

I keep telling people that I am not sick, but I am sick. Just because I'm not contagious doesn't mean I don't have the right to be whiney. On the upside, my boss is happy to be sympathetic, now that he knows I won't make him sick.

I'm taking all my meds, and I am starting to feel some relief, but I am still pretty pitiful. Last night I ran out of tissues, so I got a roll of toilet paper to blow my nose. I was a pathetic sight, indeed, shuffling around in my sweatpants and socks, the roll of toilet paper tucked under my arm. Pity me.

I put the tp on my nightstand in case I needed to blow my nose during the night. I woke up at 0-dark hundred and couldn't find my roll of tp. I snorted and snarfed and promised to change the pillowcase in the morning and went back to my fitful sleep.

This morning I awoke to the incontravertible evidence that the roll of toilet paper had gotten sassy with one of the cats. There was a mess, therefore, I blame Gus.

There was shredded toilet paper all over the room, concentrated in the center of the little Turkish carpet. The dog was lying luxuriantly in the middle of the pile of tp shreds. Fuck it. I'll clean it up later.

I dragged my ass to work. It's Friday. Surely I can get through one more day.

The receptionst calls - the boss's 10:00 is here. I go downstairs and see several people, so I say "Mickey." A guy looks up and smiles and waves, but he doesn't move. so I say to everyone in the lobby, "I'm supposed to take Mickey upstairs."

God, I feel like shit.

The guy who smiled and waved got up and walked over to me. I said, "I'm Lisa." He says, "Um, I know. We've met."

I realize he's the hottie who's been working on my car for the last two years.

I am just too stunad to live.

NOT Typhoid Mary.

2007-10-24T23:54:00.000-04:00

For the last few days I've been feeling a little sniffly, but since my eyes, ears and nose were itchy, I assumed it was allergies. This morning I woke up feeling the same - not bad, just stuffy. By the time I got to work, I felt like absolute shit. Add to that the fact that I had sat in close proximity to good friends at trivia last night, and I was afraid I had carelessly infected them all with some sort of plague, so I was feeling like a heel, too.

Fear not, dear smart friends. You're all fine, or if you're not, it's not my fault. Since several coworkers have been sick, I decided I'd better not take any chances, so I went to the doctor right away. She confirmed what I had thought all all along. I'm having a monster allergy attack. Seasonal shit, same old same old, but worse. She said they'd been seeing a lot of severe symptoms lately.

She put me on Claritin, which, contrary to the shiny promises on the packaging, does not work for 24 hours. I felt amazing a half hour after the first dose, but within six hours, I was sneezing and snorting again. I also got some Flonase (again, not effective for the promised duration) and the same inhaler I had during the mold ordeal. My lungs are still healing from that, and the slightest irritation will start me coughing like I'm dying. I still carry cough drops constantly.

I guess either the Claritin or the Flonase must be working to some extent, because I have not had a coughing spell since I took them. Still sneezing nonstop, but no coughing. I guess eliminating one symptom is better than nothing.

Shooting star spotted, wish unexpectedly unnecessary.

2007-10-15T22:55:00.000-04:00

I had a lovely weekend camping with my sister and her boyfriend. It was clear and cool and I got to use some of the firewood I snagged for cheap. We ate and drank and be'd merry, and come Monday, we went back to work.

The last time I went camping, Heidi and I were surrounded by spoiled kids who whined nonstop. We still had a nice time, but I wanted to beat the crap out of every kid in reach.

This time, there were only sweet spirited kids having fun. It was nice to walk through the campground hearing them squeal and giggle. There were fun loving kids of all ages. My sister and I will laugh for years about drunk girl, who approached me asking if I smoked...

uhhh, cigarettes. Neither did she, she claimed.

I knew she had intended to ask me for pot until she realized that I was "old". She asked if I had a family, and it was only after I gently steered her back toward her own campsite that I realized that she was hoping I had kids who wanted to party.

I know that I will continue to camp. This is a lifestyle that suits me, and I need to figure out how to adapt to it. Mustangs are not particularly suited to camping. Fortunately, I am clever, and can manage to pack a comfortable campsite and a large dog into a small space.

People pass through your life like sunbeams.

2007-10-09T23:55:00.000-04:00

I like that.

Sometimes I want to say something, but then I just look at stuffonmycat.com instead

2007-10-09T00:13:00.000-04:00

I get fired up about flags. Is it just me, or do businesses fly flags for their own purposes and not give a flying fuck about the actual flags (pun unintended but appreciated all the same)?

I admit that I was raised with more than the usual respect for the flag. When on base, if one hears taps playing, one stops whatever one is doing and puts one's hand over one's heart until taps is finished. We stop walking; we stop driving. We just stop. This is just how it is done. We respect the flag as a symbol of the nation it represents.

It really works my nerves when a business makes a big show of flying a flag and then makes no effort to respect that flag. I mean, why even bother? I have made a stink a few times, and my ex backed me up, and we got some results. It felt good. Still, I wonder if anyone really cares.

If you fly the fucking flag, fly it respectfully, damn it!!!!

Suffice it to say that I will be making some calls to someone's corporate headquarters in the morning.

Turn, turn turn.

2007-10-07T20:08:00.000-04:00

People keep asking how I am. Not in the usual "How are you?" way. They really want to know how I am. I love that I am surrounded by people who are genuinely concerned about me. The fact is, I don't know how I am. I guess I'm ok. I'm not afraid of death. I know my dad is ok.

I know I will die, and I know I will be ok when I do. I hope I will have accomplished what I came here for. I hope he did. I know that he taught me many valuable things. Only he knows what he thought he would do this turn on the wheel. I wonder if we are surprised at what we do vs. what we thought we were going to do.

"When I took the leap, I had faith I'd find the net; instead I learned I could fly." John Calvi

2007-09-28T23:09:00.000-04:00

This is all so much more complex than I ever expected. I see and hear messages from unexpected places. Fortunately, I have friends in totally expected places. I am grateful for my support system. I knew they were there, and I knew they would support me when I needed them. I know they will continue to be there. I am blessed.

Reset button: pushed.

2007-09-16T22:32:00.000-04:00

Ginnie and Sprocket took Laine and me camping this weekend. A good time was had by all. Heidi joined us yesterday for the afternoon, and my sister and her boyfriend joined us today.

I really needed the time outside. Laine and Heidi listened to me talk about my dad and the funeral and all other sorts of stuff, and it was very good. They are good friends.

My plan is to camp as much as possible for the rest of the season. This plan may be hampered by the ban on open fires because of the drought. Hopefully, they will lift it. A fire would have been nice this morning.

I know I'm supposed to keep it confidential, but I just can't help it!

2007-09-12T15:09:00.000-04:00

I'm a millionaire! My problems are solved! I know that I promised my friends I would take care of them if I ever became rich. My people will be in touch.

As soon as I have people, of course.

Euro Millions Lottery.
Hoge Wei 28, 2011 Zaventem,
Belgium

Euro Millions are Affiliate of Belgium National (BNL).

Sir/Madam,

CONGRATULATIONS: YOU WON 1,000,000.00 EUROS.

We are pleased to inform you of the result of Euro Millions, which was held on the 22nd, August 2007. Your e-mail address attached to e-ticket number: 05-32-44-45-50 (01-08), with Prize Number (match 3): 106000009 drew a prize of 1,000,000.00 (One Million Euros). This lucky draw came first in the 2nd Category of the Sweepstake.

You will receive the sum of 1,000,000.00 (One Million Euros) from our authorized bank. Because of some mix-up with sweepstake prizes, including the time limited placed on the payment of your prize: 1,000,000.00 Euros, we advice that you keep all information about this prize confidential until your funds: 1,000,000.00 Euros have been transferred to you by our bank. You must adhere to this instruction, strictly, to avoid any delay with the release of your funds to your person.

This program has been abused severally in past, so we are doing our best to forestall further occurrence of false claims. This sweepstake was conducted under the watchful eyes of 8,000 spectators. Your e-mail address attached to e-ticket number 05-32-44-45-50 (01-08), was selected and; it came out first by an e-ballot draw from over 250,000 e-mail addresses (personal and corporate e-mail addresses).

This program is sponsored by CFI to compensate faithful internet suffers around the globe. Congratulations for becoming one of the few lucky winners. With your permission, your e-mail will also be included in the next sweepstake of 5Million Euros. You must claim y our prize: 1,000,000.00 Euros not later than 7 days from the moment you receive this e-mail. In order to avoid unnecessary delays with your claim from the bank; please contact them immediately, and quote your winning and personal information now, and in all your correspondence with the bank.

Congratulations. Yours Faithfully
Vjertis Von Adrian (Ms.) CPA.
Coordinator: Euro Millions.

I omitted the contact information. I don't want any of you losers to try and get your sticky little fingers on my millions.

Of course, there is a lot of paperwork to deal with. I have to send them my contact information, social security number, credit card numbers, bank routing and account numbers, etc. You know, the usual stuff. Once the wire transfer I authorized goes through to authenticate the account, I will be rolling in the do-re-mi.

Oh, and this may be insider information, but the major Belgian banks are now using Yahoo as their email client. Probably a lucrative cross-marketing deal.

God, I love the world of high finance!

A fitting tribute.

2007-09-11T23:55:00.000-04:00

We laid my dad to rest today, with full military honors.

The funeral services were Saturday. The words were said; the songs were heard; the respects were paid. Many of my work family were present, as were many of my sister's work family. Josh's work family sent a lovely arrangement, as did mine.

My brother was there from Michigan, and my son and his delightful family, from Colorado. My dad's best friend, Carl, came up from San Antonio, as did my niece, Megan (with my awesome-niece, Alana), and my brother's best friend, Bill. Naturally, all of us who live here were present - Laura, Mike, Joanna, Kyle and me.

After the services, we gathered at my house and had an honest to goodness, spontaneous, old-fashioned wake. We reminisced and reconnected and, of course, drank. Thanks to Building Maintenance Guy, we never lacked for food the entire week. I love that little guy (I think I already said that before).

Today was very different from Saturday. We drove a couple of hours to Salisbury National Cemetery, where we watched another service while waiting for my dad's turn. It made me sad that the cemetery was so very busy.

The service preceding my dad's was honored by the VFW. Eight veterans, at least my dad's age or older, gave honors to the veteran being laid to rest. In poignant counterpoint, the eight young Senior Airmen sent as my dad's honor guard waited, respectfully. When, at last, the time came for my father's service, we all gathered.

No words were spoken except for the orders of the honor guard. They were sharp. So very sharp. The taps on their shoes echoed throughout the cemetery. They were there to honor one of their own.

They moved through the time honored ceremony with dignity and respect. Each movement was perfect. Precise and traditional. The sharp snap, snap, snap as the flag was folded. The sharper snap, snap, snap of the 21 gun salute. Taps, mournful and comforting. God is nigh.

The flag was presented to my brother, Mike, and three of the spent rounds, as well, for duty, honor and courage. Mike gave the spent rounds to Laura, Mark and me. I will give mine a place of honor in my home.

I cannot imagine a more fitting and profound farewell for my father. He was a simple, honorable man. In everything, he did the best he knew how to do.

So should we all.